


Liquid Courage Was Needed But Not Provided

by fxhound



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Pining, Pining Bucky Barnes, Unrequited Love, that's it... that's the whole fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 05:58:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10780992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fxhound/pseuds/fxhound
Summary: When pettiness reaches a whole different level and Bucky finds himself sitting at the top.Or, Bucky's lovelife woes.





	Liquid Courage Was Needed But Not Provided

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by this question on a post: “Where can I find somebody like that?”

It’s not like he’s dishonest.

Just, sometimes you can’t just say whatever you like just because you want to. There’s that whole social whatever thing that you have to be polite and considerate because you were raised better than an asshole. Supposedly.

Really, there are zero loopholes. Just think twice before acting and talking, simple enough. In cases, doing so probably (very likely) saved his dignity more than a handful of times.

Bucky does like to think of this as him being polite, maybe a little bit of a coward on some occasions, but polite nonetheless.

And so when Steve introduced his brand new, sparkling, beautiful girlfriend just a second ago, it was just the years of keeping his mouth shut that saved him from saying something dumb that he’ll probably (VERY likely) regret later on.

“That damn Rogers,” Sam said, “finally got _the_ girl, huh?”

“…yeah.” 

_What else can he say?_

The four of them decided to just keep it casual for tonight and stay at home. It was also decided earlier that they ‘act as cool as they can be, please’ (as per Steve’s warning) so as not to scare the amazing, dazzling girlfriend. But really he didn’t think Peggy Carter was someone that spook too easily. Even before Steve started following her with his gaze Bucky already heard rumours about her. She was the valedictorian. She’s the leader of the ROTC in their campus. She’s the one you look for when you need help, and she’s well deserve of that reputation. Etc, etc.

He’s the observant type, they said. The quiet one.

At some point, it’s gonna sound corny but he did feel like this was some destiny or fate or whatever. Because the moment Steve got the chance to properly lay his eyes on Peggy Carter— the atmosphere changed. It was a millisecond; just an accidental bump on the shoulder. But despite the crowded street; the busy town and the hundreds of people, it was the two of them that made eye contact. And Bucky was there to witness it all.

Three and a half months later and Steve’s finally — officially — introducing them to his girl.

Out of the corner of his eyes, he can see that Steve and Peggy Carter are well comfortable together. No awkward silence or uncoordinated movements. They’re unapologetically happy with themselves and being together. 

Bucky couldn’t help but watch Steve brush the falling strands of hair on her face like he’s done it a thousand times. He couldn’t help give a lingering look on Steve’s hands when Steve holds her hand even when they’re sitting so close together. Steve pays full attention whenever she talks. The corners of his best friend’s eyes crinkle when he sees her smile.

And really, Bucky can’t blame him. He hears a subtle sigh on his left.

“She’s the dream girl,” Sam ruefully whispered.

Bucky smiles, gives Sam a pat on the back and goes on to recite the ‘They’re Out There’ spiel. “If those two gross lovebirds found each other, you’ll find your other bird.” he says.

Bucky almost dodged the pillow Steve threw, but as he caught it with his face and held it there, he could hear the melody of his Steve’s mock indignant voice and the dainty laughter of a girl he wished that wasn’t there.

The night closes with Steve giving their special guest a ride on the back of his motorcycle as he pettily threw glances from the window, probably being as subtle as a child hiding behind their mother’s skirt. He can’t help it. He likes to think he’s done well enough today, he can be petty quietly sometimes.

For a moment, Bucky gives himself the leisure of watching the backlights of Steve’s motorbike slowly shrink as they drove away. He imagines being the one to hold that body against their own as the thrill of moving in the light of speed tickles his adrenaline rush. He imagines feeling the rumble of the engine and breathing in the musk of the man he’s known since they were both were still boys. He basks in the feeling; he lets it sink and he lets it get swallowed by a will that was sharpened unknowingly.

Twelve years he had the chance to say something.

“Where can I find somebody like her?” Sam said as the guy cleans up the rest of their friday night shenanigans (which was poker night).

Bucky smiles and helps clean up.

The air was cold throughout the rest of the night, a breeze that ghosts silently in your room and stays. Like the sun will never come, the warmth was nowhere to be found. He didn’t hear the rumble of an engine until past midnight.

Steve’s shadow casts a disoriented image of him in Bucky’s room as he climbs up the stairs of their apartment. Bucky can tell he’s in a good mood, maybe even great if the dorky tone-deaf whistling he hears are any indication.

Bucky hears the front door open because his room is right next to it. He hears the soft background noise of the television from the living room where Sam was still awake, and the tone Steve unknowingly uses when he feels like bragging but politely tries to refrain from doing so follows. Bucky can almost imagine the slight pink of Steve’s cheeks as Steve rubs the back of his neck. He can picture the goofy smile Steve makes when he talks about anything he was passionate about.

 

_ Whisper.  _

 

_ Whisper.  _

 

_ Probably trying to be quiet for his sake. _

 

_ Whisper. _

 

_ Whisper. _

 

“I think I love her.”

Steve chuckling. Footsteps. Door next to his room closing.

The TV noise continues throughout the rest of the night until the sun woke up. Sam probably fell asleep on the couch again. The duvet on top of him felt like it was holding him close, whispering to him to not move, and in some roundabout way giving him the comfort he needs.

Bucky heard that word before. This wasn't the first time Steve has ever brought someone home to introduce.

‘Love.’

It’s not like he’s dishonest.

In the dark, when the quiet was too thick that whispering on the privacy of his own room feels like cracking an eggshell, he can say the words, too. 

“I love you.”

_Say it a little louder._

“I love you, Steve.”

A confession that gets stuck between the thin wall that separates them. 

_Somebody like that?_

 

There has never been an easier question to answer. 

**Author's Note:**

> #drama bomb


End file.
